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spacepeterpan
Hello, you've reached the Doctor, not at the TARDIS, well, maybe at the TARDIS, won't know until I answer, leave me a message after the TARDIS engine sound if you've got one, just a "please help" is fine although more details would probably be good, whatever you can manage, and I'll get back to you, and maybe save your planet, ta!
[Followed right after by about a second of the sound of TARDIS engines, followed by the thump of its landing.
Feel free to leave a message for the (eleventh) Doctor here!]
4/17 10pm / voice / locked af
Date: 2018-05-17 02:55 am (UTC)voice / locked
Date: 2018-05-25 03:50 am (UTC)Rose..? Rose, what's wrong?
(May 17th I messed up before just for the record) voice / locked
Date: 2018-05-25 04:38 am (UTC)[At least her
wibblingtears are silent.][Though her voice is pretty thick and husky with emotion, despite the bitter laugh.] Just a stupid ape, yeah?
[Quiet for a bit. How to explain. It hurt. The older Sarah Jane warned her it would, and even when Rose debated cutting things short then, she stayed. She stuck it out. And now...]
Whether I dream of Meta, or I dream of Eyebrows... I wake up alone again. [Rubs her face with a hand.] Bad Doggie said he was jealous, that he lied before, um, and when he lost his memories, yeah? He forgot even... why he went to Jack, but it was because of me.
[Cries a little harder, but still at least not vocally.] Eyebrows said he let go of me. Was the guilt really so bad?
[Sniffles and laughs half-heartedly, just give her a moment.] I feel... hella guilty about Jack, and Meta... and I haven't let go of nuffin! I yelled at him because... our last fight in March was because he... whot? Wanted me to move on?
Maybe you as a TimeLord can. But don't tell me it's age, or time, because Jack didn't. And I don't want to. If I move on... isn't that giving up?
I hate it. He wants to hurt me to try to... what? Protect himself? Protect me? Protect the others? But shouldn't there be a way that doesn't cause anyone pain? I don't understand it.
Like I said, stupid stupid ape.
I don't want to give up. I don't want to let go. But I don't want to hurt everyone I love either. And it's not like coming after you in the TARDIS was gonna hurt Mum and Mickey. Because I didn't know if I'd survive, or if I'd make it back, but I knew I had to try. For me. [For him too obviously, and Jack, but...] I could never live with that otherwise, I just couldn't, don't you see!?
[Laughs and cries, this time the tears, or at least the crying are a bit audible, albeit mixed with the confused laughter.]
All he wants is for me to give up, and I can't. Even trying to be halfway about myself is makin' me miserable.
I'm sorry Doctor, I don't know why I'm like this. Why it's so extreme, yeah? But you're right, I don't got any armor, not for this. I thought I could just brace myself... but it's like throwing myself through the void. I can tuck and roll when I land, but I can't say it'll be safe or nuffin'. And I can't stop either. It hurts and what am I even supposed to do about it? I can't ignore the pain, because I'm scared of hurtin' 'im. And all I'm good at is just... tryin' again and again and again. Whatever it takes. One wacky idea to another. No matter how much it hurts. I'm not broken, but I don't know how to fight my way back, and I don't think I can ever just accept givin' up.
And tryin' is makin' it worse on him and he doesn't want it, and that just kills me. If he was happy, I wouldn't try. But he doesn't want to be, and he sure as hell doesn't want me to try. But when he laughs... I feel like I'm flying again, and that's where I belong, and I don't want anything else. [Bitter laugh and shakes her head.] I don't know.
So... all I can say is I'm sorry, yeah?